I found this new blog thanks to Momastery, whom I love and adore! This new one is another mom just trying to figure out how to BE in this world like the rest of us. This has been my struggle for the past year. I love my life, I have come so far. Lately I feel the need to share it, to get it out of me. I feel like I am holding on to everything so tight and I can't do it all. So here I am, reading other blogs and seeing them letting go and trusting others with their stories and lives. I have had my blog for 5 years now, rarely using it, and my mom being my only real reader (hey that's what moms are for!). I want to use it for more. I want to share my life and learn more about others. SO all of this brings me back to the new blog I found Lisajobaker.com, she and hundreds of other women do this awesome thing every Friday! Its called Five Minute Friday. You write for five minutes. unedited just purely you. She posts a prompt to go off of and then every one encourages other! Doesn't that sound beautiful?!?! So after finding her blog the other day I took 5 minutes to just write about what I wanted to, but today I will start my first Five Minute Friday!!!!
I don't listen well these days. It all gets blocked my the thoughts and voices in my own head. Even when I do listen to what someone is saying to me, I usually hear what I want, or worse what I don't want. I hear the judgement in their voice about me, I hear the negative thoughts and words, I hear things that make me defensive, and self conscious. I don't want to hear that. I hear it in my own voice and words too.
My boys are listening, whether or not I want to admit it, they are. They listen without even knowing they are doing it. They learn about life and love and everything through the words we use as parents and I am failing them. Because the words I hear and the words I speak are negative and harsh and hurtful. I yell too much, I criticize to much. Its to the point that when I say I love you to them its just words and they don't hear it.
Is it too late to change and fix? NEVER! And I truly believe that. It is never to late! Love, faith, and apologies can over come anything. They are my babies and I can change the words that come out of me, because they are listening, and I need to also!
Wow, I have to practice my typing, my hands just couldn't keep up with my head and my heart! Well there it is, thank you to anyone who reads this. I can't wait until next Friday!